5 Kitchens.....
2 Restaurants..
One Man..........
Me!
What a long two weeks it's been. Tomorrow will be my first actually day off since well..two weeks ago. But first let me tell you a story of infidelity,guilt and lust. Now don't get me wrong I love her,I always have ever since we first met in a English pub. She was elegant,sexy and strong and European. But she was someone else's....but I knew I would have her in time. And so 2years later I did, God she felt so good and she was so elegant,so long lean and sexy and she had a glow about her,I was in love.
Our relationship bloomed like any other,we had our problems and she was high maintenance but we also had our great moments. Moments of finesse and grace,moments when we powered through it and always in times of need she was there. She stood by me and I by her and for 6years we were inseparable.
But 2years ago things changed...and we drifted apart. I didn't notice it at first and I suppose that's always the way,we're just not aware of it and the neglect builds and builds and it takes it's toll. So when I tried to repair the neglect and bring us together again well it just didn't happen. It wasn't her fault and I knew it...and the guilt hung over me.
Like any guilty man I looked for a way to relieve my guilt and that's when I saw Her....she was so much slimmer and exotically Asian. Younger,newer and she shone and glistened in the light. "No" a little voice in me head said"NO!". But the more I looked at Her the more I wanted Her. And that voice again "No you can't,you shouldn't!!!" but the more the voice said no the more I wanted Her....I had to have her,she would make me feel better,she wouldn't let me down and remind me of the lost years. I had to have her,I lusted after her...so I did the unthinkable. It only took 10minutes and I had Her. She felt so good in my hands,so silky and light and being exotic just added to my lust. I was happy again,the guilt gone,the neglect forgotten......until today.
It wasn't much,it was a simple task. Cutting pumpkin,simple and easy really but She just didn't do it smoothly,She had to work harder and there was more effort involved than normal and my thoughts strayed..... "This never used to be this hard,what happened??". Then I realized my younger model just didn't have the weight and power,she was slim but that worked against her but...my European love...she could do it with ease,she had the weight and the thickness behind her.
Why did I buy a new knife?? Why didn't I just give my Victorinox to a professional sharpener as originally planned?? Time,stress and well lust. As I mentioned above things have been pretty busy the last two weeks and this week was no exception. my day job as always was keeping me on my toes and I had two kitchens to deliver. Add to that the weekend before I spent in the kitchen and I knew it was going to be a big week but then news came through that I had a chance to spend 2nights in another kitchen of a up and coming restaurants. The reviews were great so far and the food was classical so I couldn't say no.
So two kitchen deliveries for work,two nights in a new kitchen and another night in the award winning kitchen...long week to say the least. So I knew I had to move fast and there was no time to waste. So by the time thursday rolled around I had my new knife along with a new steel to replace my stolen one and a new knife roll. I was set for the new kitchen.
Walking into a new kitchen is always interesting,new people,new food,new ways of doing things,add to that the fact that in the kitchen there were 3 different nationality's (four including me) and three different languages I was (to say the least) on the back foot. But as always I just did what I do best,I jumped in with both feet and put my best foot forward. Once we were past the introductions and the usual polite talk I started asking questions. You see what most Chefs love to see in someone in their kitchen is a eagerness to learn and a thirst for knowledge all of which I have and what better way to become part of the kitchen than to show interest in the food....I mean hell I'm a Chef after all!
Being the "float" in the kitchen meant I was able to observe and watch the night unfold. The first thing I took notice of...the food of course. Classical and traditional the food was great to see. Some of the dishes were,as to be expected,slightly cumbersome and difficult but most of them were very tasteful and well thought out without taking anything away from the original version of the dish. Then I looked at the design of the kitchen and the differences between this one and the last kitchen I was in. The kitchen I was in was smaller than the other one,the layout was very different too,where the first kitchen was laid out in a h pattern the new kitchen was thin and straight. But as with most kitchens everything was in the most logical place relative to the space available in the kitchen,a good sign.
During my two nights in the new kitchen I watched and helped out where I could. Watching the team over the two nights I saw a good team,I also saw things that I thought could be improved upon,ideas that could be floated to speed things up and systems that could be put in place to help things go more smoothly during the busy moments. But what I took the most heart from was I saw a restaurant and team with a heap of potential. These guys knew what they were doing and were doing their best to give their customers what they came for,great food.
Before I knew it Saturday was upon me,my working week was over,I'd delivered two brand new kitchens and spent two nights in a new kitchen. And today I was spending my saturday in the same kitchen as the previous weekend. Things were looking to be busy, a big event was on and the weather was good. Prime signs for a busy night. When I arrived you could see the signs of a prepared team. The prep was pretty much done and the team was cautiously waiting for a possible lunch rush. Me..well I cut and portioned pumpkin and discovered the flaw with my new knife...oh wait..getting circular. Near the end of lunch service a bad omen. The fan for the oven wasn't working properly...bad thing!! Fan not working = oven not heating properly which equals well a four letter word that sounds remarkable like "Fuck". Luckily one of the owners was on deck working so a quick word in his ear and the tools were out and the control panel to the oven off. And this again reinforces the difference between the successful and the not. A good restaurant owner knows that the every problem has a solution,every issue can be fixed and if you have to get your hands dirty to do it so be it. And then 5minutes later the problem seemed to solved.
Prep...easiest way to sum up my afternoon,just like any kitchen on a saturday-prep prep prep. What do you while you prep...talk,gossip and discuss the weird n wonderful world.....kitchen conversations I love them!!
As service time grew ever closer it was quiet...too quiet. "The calm before the storm" I wondered?? Service time...all was quiet...eerily so. Hospitality is a strange beast and this was just another reminder for me. Half an hour into service I decided to call it a day and leave the professionals in charge. Did it get busy later?? I don't know but what I do know is the team were ready and whatever happened they'd be ready for it.
So now your counting and going "Hang on hang on!! That's only 4 kitchens!! Where's the fifth????"
Home...where I could actually spend some time in my kitchen and have a play with my new knife,you see I bought this...oh,but there I go getting circular again.
Showing posts with label cheffriis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheffriis. Show all posts
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Refresher course.....Part Un
And no I'm not talking about the sorbet course, I am of course talking about heading back into the kitchen and "refreshing" my skills.
Now I have to admit I have been slack lately. With work at the joinery busy,sending out emails to find work exp. and doing a lot of researching and reading into the french classics and "edge" dining and foods I have neglected my blog. And perhaps due to a lack of inspiration or a lack of funds I haven't been spending much time behind the camera so I've decided to switch this topic to a update.
Yes shock horror of horror,an update...(cue dramatic music)!!
So for the weekend that has just passed I had the pleasure of spending two shifts in a local multiply award winning restaurant.
It was interesting really. There has only been two times in my chef career that I had felt nervous. One-My first shift at the hotel and Two-Meeting Gordon Ramsey. And now there was a third. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be nervous but I took it as a good sign as I was told once that "If you feel nervous you want to do well". Then came the next step-my whites. Two washes and a iron later they actually looked good again. The only problem.....my Victorinox chef knife. After 2years of neglect the blade was,to say the least,dull. So out with my stone and approx 1hr later and the edge was...better...somewhat.
So there I was,whites clean,kit packed and off to spend my weekend in the kitchen,disturbingly that didn't actually bother me...good thing I hope. It was a good feeling putting my whites on again,I felt I was taking steps forward,I was actually achieving something. Walking into the kitchen again was a great feeling,the smells/the sounds/the heat/the hustle n bustle,it all felt comforting.
In the kitchen the service is only 50% of the job. The other 50% is prep. Prep/prep/prep/prep!!! So first job back in the kitchen...prep! They started me off easy-fine chop some parsley. Ok bust out the Victorinox and hit it. Chop/chop/chop...shit. Now I love my knife and I've had it for over 8years but 2years of neglect had taken it's toll and my sharpening stone just didn't have enough to bring it back(Time for professional help....not me the KNIFE!!). Embarrassing to say the least. So after borrowing a knife I carried on my job of chopping parsley. Now as I've mentioned several times how long I've been out the kitchen I won't go on about it again but I got a solid reminder in the way of four...yes 1/2/3/4 blisters on one finger. Like any job that you do with your hands you build up calluses where your tools rest on your hands,be they hand tools/knifes/pens etc. Unfortunately my kitchen calluses had disappeared so the simple act of chopping parsley at speed did not agree with my index finger. A subtle but effective reminder of my time away!
Prep time in a kitchen is generally a relaxed time,as long as your prep is getting done. Whilst prepping for service the kitchen converses,catches up,talks shit and these times are probably the most amusing,I'd forgotten how much I missed kitchen conversations. From Bob Marley to energy drink abuse to sick but amusing jokes, conversations in the kitchen really are fun.
Prep times often involves a lot of simple tasks-peeling spuds/chopping parsley/portioning food/washes dishes etc and I often find these simple tasks to be quite relaxing, a good thing especially that night as the restaurant was fully booked and with the great weather outside it was adding up to be a busy night. Taking pause from my prep I looked around the kitchen and just observed everything I could. The Head chef portioning meat,Junior chefs checking sauces,waitstaff polishing cutlery and setting tables.....ahhh the ebb n flow of a restaurant. You can see everyone preparing for the next service,the final checks of prep levels,the layout of boards/utensils/prep all in easy reach for speed and ease of movement,conversations between Waitstaff and Chefs about bookings/specials/special requests. If you've never worked in hospitality before you wouldn't notice it but if you have you know what I'm talking about. This is the time where the experienced ones know what to do and do the best to set themselves up for whatever situation may come their way,full credit to all of the team of Chefs as they really did follow the motto-"Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance".
As service time approached the rise in tension in the kitchen was palatable,Chefs double checked their prep,service spoons were grabbed,boards wiped down and everybody had their eye on that pass.....waiting knowing what was coming. My job for service was easy,float and help out where ever possible which put me in a good position to watch and observe the team at work. And then the orders started to come in,slowly at first 2-3 tables and service began. Everything flowed smoothly and then there was a dip as the orders slowed....but listening carefully I heard the volume of the restaurant start to get a little louder. I'm pretty sure the rest of the kitchen noticed it too as they all glanced at the pass and then their prep. As a Chef you know what is going to happen when the orders stop and the restaurant gets louder...its about to get real busy!! Then the orders came thick n fast,one after the other followed by another and another. Watching this from my position reminded me why I love the kitchen and cooking. Seeing the team in action and watching the kitchen dance and the food flow is a great thing. The rush lasted approx 2hrs and even I had to hustle to get some desserts done...but then I encountered a temperamental blowtorch. The blowtorch is used to caramelize the top of the brulees,but this torch....I lit it and picked it up and....it went out. "Ok" I thought,relight it pick it up...it went out. "Ok stupid thing" relight pick it up....it stayed lit. Start caramelizing the brulee tilt the blowtorch..it went out. "Fucccckkkkkkkkkk" Relight...pick up...caramelize....tilt....went out "YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!! GODDAMN IT FUCKING WORK!!!!" Relight...pickup...caramelize..don't tilt...burn finger. Brulee done!! "Temperamental fucking thing...forgot there's always a trick to everything".
I was in the kitchen for a dinner and a lunch service,did my best to help out where possible and observed what I could. What did I see? Everything I could from the prep to the food,plating,service and team work. And this is were the difference between a good restaurant and a award winning restaurant is. Everyone from the Head Chef/Sous Chef/Junior Chefs,The Waitstaff knew their jobs and worked together to get them done, any problems handled fast and effectively. A great example of a great restaurant and a solid example of why I want to be back in the kitchen.
The only downside to my weekend in the kitchen? A feeling of frustration stemming from feeling like a interloper and not really knowing my place in the kitchen. A feeling I suspect I may experience a few more times until I find my place and kitchen again.
Now I have to admit I have been slack lately. With work at the joinery busy,sending out emails to find work exp. and doing a lot of researching and reading into the french classics and "edge" dining and foods I have neglected my blog. And perhaps due to a lack of inspiration or a lack of funds I haven't been spending much time behind the camera so I've decided to switch this topic to a update.
Yes shock horror of horror,an update...(cue dramatic music)!!
So for the weekend that has just passed I had the pleasure of spending two shifts in a local multiply award winning restaurant.
It was interesting really. There has only been two times in my chef career that I had felt nervous. One-My first shift at the hotel and Two-Meeting Gordon Ramsey. And now there was a third. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be nervous but I took it as a good sign as I was told once that "If you feel nervous you want to do well". Then came the next step-my whites. Two washes and a iron later they actually looked good again. The only problem.....my Victorinox chef knife. After 2years of neglect the blade was,to say the least,dull. So out with my stone and approx 1hr later and the edge was...better...somewhat.
So there I was,whites clean,kit packed and off to spend my weekend in the kitchen,disturbingly that didn't actually bother me...good thing I hope. It was a good feeling putting my whites on again,I felt I was taking steps forward,I was actually achieving something. Walking into the kitchen again was a great feeling,the smells/the sounds/the heat/the hustle n bustle,it all felt comforting.
In the kitchen the service is only 50% of the job. The other 50% is prep. Prep/prep/prep/prep!!! So first job back in the kitchen...prep! They started me off easy-fine chop some parsley. Ok bust out the Victorinox and hit it. Chop/chop/chop...shit. Now I love my knife and I've had it for over 8years but 2years of neglect had taken it's toll and my sharpening stone just didn't have enough to bring it back(Time for professional help....not me the KNIFE!!). Embarrassing to say the least. So after borrowing a knife I carried on my job of chopping parsley. Now as I've mentioned several times how long I've been out the kitchen I won't go on about it again but I got a solid reminder in the way of four...yes 1/2/3/4 blisters on one finger. Like any job that you do with your hands you build up calluses where your tools rest on your hands,be they hand tools/knifes/pens etc. Unfortunately my kitchen calluses had disappeared so the simple act of chopping parsley at speed did not agree with my index finger. A subtle but effective reminder of my time away!
Prep time in a kitchen is generally a relaxed time,as long as your prep is getting done. Whilst prepping for service the kitchen converses,catches up,talks shit and these times are probably the most amusing,I'd forgotten how much I missed kitchen conversations. From Bob Marley to energy drink abuse to sick but amusing jokes, conversations in the kitchen really are fun.
Prep times often involves a lot of simple tasks-peeling spuds/chopping parsley/portioning food/washes dishes etc and I often find these simple tasks to be quite relaxing, a good thing especially that night as the restaurant was fully booked and with the great weather outside it was adding up to be a busy night. Taking pause from my prep I looked around the kitchen and just observed everything I could. The Head chef portioning meat,Junior chefs checking sauces,waitstaff polishing cutlery and setting tables.....ahhh the ebb n flow of a restaurant. You can see everyone preparing for the next service,the final checks of prep levels,the layout of boards/utensils/prep all in easy reach for speed and ease of movement,conversations between Waitstaff and Chefs about bookings/specials/special requests. If you've never worked in hospitality before you wouldn't notice it but if you have you know what I'm talking about. This is the time where the experienced ones know what to do and do the best to set themselves up for whatever situation may come their way,full credit to all of the team of Chefs as they really did follow the motto-"Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance".
As service time approached the rise in tension in the kitchen was palatable,Chefs double checked their prep,service spoons were grabbed,boards wiped down and everybody had their eye on that pass.....waiting knowing what was coming. My job for service was easy,float and help out where ever possible which put me in a good position to watch and observe the team at work. And then the orders started to come in,slowly at first 2-3 tables and service began. Everything flowed smoothly and then there was a dip as the orders slowed....but listening carefully I heard the volume of the restaurant start to get a little louder. I'm pretty sure the rest of the kitchen noticed it too as they all glanced at the pass and then their prep. As a Chef you know what is going to happen when the orders stop and the restaurant gets louder...its about to get real busy!! Then the orders came thick n fast,one after the other followed by another and another. Watching this from my position reminded me why I love the kitchen and cooking. Seeing the team in action and watching the kitchen dance and the food flow is a great thing. The rush lasted approx 2hrs and even I had to hustle to get some desserts done...but then I encountered a temperamental blowtorch. The blowtorch is used to caramelize the top of the brulees,but this torch....I lit it and picked it up and....it went out. "Ok" I thought,relight it pick it up...it went out. "Ok stupid thing" relight pick it up....it stayed lit. Start caramelizing the brulee tilt the blowtorch..it went out. "Fucccckkkkkkkkkk" Relight...pick up...caramelize....tilt....went out "YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!! GODDAMN IT FUCKING WORK!!!!" Relight...pickup...caramelize..don't tilt...burn finger. Brulee done!! "Temperamental fucking thing...forgot there's always a trick to everything".
I was in the kitchen for a dinner and a lunch service,did my best to help out where possible and observed what I could. What did I see? Everything I could from the prep to the food,plating,service and team work. And this is were the difference between a good restaurant and a award winning restaurant is. Everyone from the Head Chef/Sous Chef/Junior Chefs,The Waitstaff knew their jobs and worked together to get them done, any problems handled fast and effectively. A great example of a great restaurant and a solid example of why I want to be back in the kitchen.
The only downside to my weekend in the kitchen? A feeling of frustration stemming from feeling like a interloper and not really knowing my place in the kitchen. A feeling I suspect I may experience a few more times until I find my place and kitchen again.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Chef-lish
Chef-lish - "A hacked up/glued together word invented by some idiot looking for a way to describe the language in a professional kitchen with out using that F-word"
...or some shit like that!
There are three things you learn upon entering the professional kitchen and one of the first things is that sentences often get reduced to one or two words and they generally have a shit load of hidden meanings!!
You have to understand in the middle of a 200 cover service with say 60% of your diners having 2 courses and 40% having 3 courses,that's 400 meals that have to go out of the kitchen hot/on time and perfect. So in the heat (literally) of service only 3 things matter Food/Speed/Service. With that in mind my fellow readers let me explain to you "Chef-lish".
In a busy kitchen there is just no time for lengthy conversations and the usual "beat around the bush" pleasantries that most normal people exchange in their day to day work and so Chefs do what they do best and cut through the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter. How you ask?? Easy. Cut out the unnecessary words and only say what needs to be said to get the job done.
For example on a menu you might have :
-Fillet Steak with Garlic mash/Sauteed Asparagus/Slow roasted Shallots and a Red wine and Thyme Sauce
-Pan roasted Groper with Lemon and rosemary Couscous/Green beans and a Citrus vinaigrette
-Slow roasted Chicken Breast stuffed with Sundried Tomatoes and feta/served on toasted ciabatta and with a side salad.
So if you had a table of four come in and order dinner what you'd hear in the kitchen would go like this:
"Order up!!
"2 Fish"
"1 Steak medium rare"
"1 Chicken"
So if we "translate" that you get :
"Attention in the kitchen please"
"2 Pan roasted Groper with Lemon and rosemary Couscous/Green beans and a Citrus vinaigrette"
"1 Fillet Steak with Garlic mash/Sauteed Asparagus/Slow roasted Shallots and a Red wine and Thyme Sauce- Medium rare"
"Slow roasted Chicken Breast stuffed with Sundried Tomatoes and feta/served on toasted ciabatta and with a side salad."
Now don't get me wrong I'm all for fancy/mouth watering menu descriptions but FUCK trying to say all that in the middle of a busy service,I mean hell a table of 15 would read like a friggin novel!!
With that in mind lets look into a couple of other common kitchen saying followed by a "translation" :
"Away on 14"
Usual said by the waitstaff to the kitchen-translated
- "Please cook n plate the mains (or desserts) for table 14 Please Gods of our Kitchen!
"PANS!!"
Chef to kitchenhand
- "Mr Kitchenhand would you be so kind as to refresh my stack of pans with clean ones so that I do not have to come over there and put my foot so far up your ass you'll be sneezing my laces out of your nose for the next week!!."
"Replate Fuck!!"
Head Chef or Maitre'De to grill/line chefs
- "This plate of shit that you have handed me is crap and I politely suggest that you quickly replate it and bring it up to a edible standard you fucking moron!!!!"
And then there's the Bain of all waitstaff,The Service Bell!!
"dingggg"
- "Food is on the pass could you please collect it and run it to the correct table."
"DINggggggg
- "I can see that your busy gossiping right now you slackers but the food is getting cold so could you please hurry up and run it to the table and don't make me ring the fucking bell again!!"
"DIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG"
- "You fucking a-holes get off your fucking asses and get this fucking food to the goddamn table you useless sacks of shit or god help me *I'll throw this fucking bell at you!!!
*(For the record I've seen that happen!!)
And here's a couple of Gordon's favorite sayings translated:
"What the fuck is this shit??"
Translation -"Excuse me fellow wearer of the white chef jacket,I am confused as to what product of cookery you have put before me to serve to our loyal and loving customer, and I do believe it is not up to my standards of culinary excellence so could you please explain what it is and tell me why the FUCK you think I should serve it!!!!!"
"Fuck Me!!
Translation -"What ever I am seeing I am finding it hard to believe and I am beginning to wonder why you bother to even keep living your pathetic life you moron!"
But no other two words in the kitchen carry more weight or responsibility than the words "Yes Chef!"
And this is the Second thing you learn,if you say "Yes Chef!" after you've been told to plates 40meals all at once and dance a merry jig whilst doing so then it better be the BEST DAM JIG you ever danced or you'll be getting the chefs foot firmly up your ass!!
In the kitchen the Head Chef is god! If He/she tells you to cut 1000 onions with a dessert spoon then get fucking chopping. If the Head chef tells you the steak is overcooked,its OVERCOOKED!!! Disagreeing with the Head Chef is pretty much like asking a serial killer to put the loaded shotgun in the cupboard(cos we don't want anyone getting hurt....),another words just fucking stupid.
As you you may already know insults in a kitchen are part n parcel of the job. The kitchen is a hot/sweaty and busy enviroment at the best of times and when you work as closely as chefs do with each other,day in and day out in and sometimes in the most frustrating of circumstances,insults are bound to fly!!
And this is the Third thing to learn -DON'T,for the love of sanity and ego,take it personally. If you do you'll never make it past your first year in a professional kitchen. I've been called so many things and had so many insults hurled at me in my time as a chef that when someone calls me a "Fuckwit" or "Shithead" I thank them for the compliment!! What you have to remember is when someone in the kitchen insults you it's because they know you can do better,so what their really saying is "Chef you can do better than this,you and I both know it SO DO IT!!!!
Its funny really,I'm trying to remember some of the insults I've heard but the only one that comes to mind is what my first Sous Chef at the Hotel where I worked said to one of the Chef de Parties one night,and I have to admit I've used it a few times myself. The insult??
"My Grandma could cook faster than you.....and she's dead!!
And no.....I don't know why.....I just don't!
And that Ladies and Gentlemen is my rough description of "Chef-lish". I hope you learnt something from it and next post we'll discuss Food Porn and progress on my goals now if I may say so "Fuck off!!"
...or some shit like that!
There are three things you learn upon entering the professional kitchen and one of the first things is that sentences often get reduced to one or two words and they generally have a shit load of hidden meanings!!
You have to understand in the middle of a 200 cover service with say 60% of your diners having 2 courses and 40% having 3 courses,that's 400 meals that have to go out of the kitchen hot/on time and perfect. So in the heat (literally) of service only 3 things matter Food/Speed/Service. With that in mind my fellow readers let me explain to you "Chef-lish".
In a busy kitchen there is just no time for lengthy conversations and the usual "beat around the bush" pleasantries that most normal people exchange in their day to day work and so Chefs do what they do best and cut through the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter. How you ask?? Easy. Cut out the unnecessary words and only say what needs to be said to get the job done.
For example on a menu you might have :
-Fillet Steak with Garlic mash/Sauteed Asparagus/Slow roasted Shallots and a Red wine and Thyme Sauce
-Pan roasted Groper with Lemon and rosemary Couscous/Green beans and a Citrus vinaigrette
-Slow roasted Chicken Breast stuffed with Sundried Tomatoes and feta/served on toasted ciabatta and with a side salad.
So if you had a table of four come in and order dinner what you'd hear in the kitchen would go like this:
"Order up!!
"2 Fish"
"1 Steak medium rare"
"1 Chicken"
So if we "translate" that you get :
"Attention in the kitchen please"
"2 Pan roasted Groper with Lemon and rosemary Couscous/Green beans and a Citrus vinaigrette"
"1 Fillet Steak with Garlic mash/Sauteed Asparagus/Slow roasted Shallots and a Red wine and Thyme Sauce- Medium rare"
"Slow roasted Chicken Breast stuffed with Sundried Tomatoes and feta/served on toasted ciabatta and with a side salad."
Now don't get me wrong I'm all for fancy/mouth watering menu descriptions but FUCK trying to say all that in the middle of a busy service,I mean hell a table of 15 would read like a friggin novel!!
With that in mind lets look into a couple of other common kitchen saying followed by a "translation" :
"Away on 14"
Usual said by the waitstaff to the kitchen-translated
- "Please cook n plate the mains (or desserts) for table 14 Please Gods of our Kitchen!
"PANS!!"
Chef to kitchenhand
- "Mr Kitchenhand would you be so kind as to refresh my stack of pans with clean ones so that I do not have to come over there and put my foot so far up your ass you'll be sneezing my laces out of your nose for the next week!!."
"Replate Fuck!!"
Head Chef or Maitre'De to grill/line chefs
- "This plate of shit that you have handed me is crap and I politely suggest that you quickly replate it and bring it up to a edible standard you fucking moron!!!!"
And then there's the Bain of all waitstaff,The Service Bell!!
"dingggg"
- "Food is on the pass could you please collect it and run it to the correct table."
"DINggggggg
- "I can see that your busy gossiping right now you slackers but the food is getting cold so could you please hurry up and run it to the table and don't make me ring the fucking bell again!!"
"DIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG"
- "You fucking a-holes get off your fucking asses and get this fucking food to the goddamn table you useless sacks of shit or god help me *I'll throw this fucking bell at you!!!
*(For the record I've seen that happen!!)
And here's a couple of Gordon's favorite sayings translated:
"What the fuck is this shit??"
Translation -"Excuse me fellow wearer of the white chef jacket,I am confused as to what product of cookery you have put before me to serve to our loyal and loving customer, and I do believe it is not up to my standards of culinary excellence so could you please explain what it is and tell me why the FUCK you think I should serve it!!!!!"
"Fuck Me!!
Translation -"What ever I am seeing I am finding it hard to believe and I am beginning to wonder why you bother to even keep living your pathetic life you moron!"
But no other two words in the kitchen carry more weight or responsibility than the words "Yes Chef!"
And this is the Second thing you learn,if you say "Yes Chef!" after you've been told to plates 40meals all at once and dance a merry jig whilst doing so then it better be the BEST DAM JIG you ever danced or you'll be getting the chefs foot firmly up your ass!!
In the kitchen the Head Chef is god! If He/she tells you to cut 1000 onions with a dessert spoon then get fucking chopping. If the Head chef tells you the steak is overcooked,its OVERCOOKED!!! Disagreeing with the Head Chef is pretty much like asking a serial killer to put the loaded shotgun in the cupboard(cos we don't want anyone getting hurt....),another words just fucking stupid.
As you you may already know insults in a kitchen are part n parcel of the job. The kitchen is a hot/sweaty and busy enviroment at the best of times and when you work as closely as chefs do with each other,day in and day out in and sometimes in the most frustrating of circumstances,insults are bound to fly!!
And this is the Third thing to learn -DON'T,for the love of sanity and ego,take it personally. If you do you'll never make it past your first year in a professional kitchen. I've been called so many things and had so many insults hurled at me in my time as a chef that when someone calls me a "Fuckwit" or "Shithead" I thank them for the compliment!! What you have to remember is when someone in the kitchen insults you it's because they know you can do better,so what their really saying is "Chef you can do better than this,you and I both know it SO DO IT!!!!
Its funny really,I'm trying to remember some of the insults I've heard but the only one that comes to mind is what my first Sous Chef at the Hotel where I worked said to one of the Chef de Parties one night,and I have to admit I've used it a few times myself. The insult??
"My Grandma could cook faster than you.....and she's dead!!
And no.....I don't know why.....I just don't!
And that Ladies and Gentlemen is my rough description of "Chef-lish". I hope you learnt something from it and next post we'll discuss Food Porn and progress on my goals now if I may say so "Fuck off!!"
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Seasonality...Summer
Summer.....yeah No. Can't see it out there.
I don't know what you would call the weather we've been experiencing lately but it's not summer. Rain/cold wind/hail.....where is the sun??? Helllooo....big dude up there some sun would be nice....please?????
Ok so even without the sun summer does have it's bonuses. Peaches/Apricots/Strawberries/Plums/Blueberrys....and the list goes on!! Seasonality is hugely important in a kitchen. Any Chef worth their salt will reflect the seasons on their menu,I mean could you imagine seeing winter roast vege on a menu in the middle of summer?? It'd be like walking into a clothes store and the sales person selling you a ski jacket..."Yes even though it's 30degrees outside I'd love to wear the new seasons ski jackets and look like I'd just left the slopes even though the winter is still 6months away You Moron!".
I love watching the seasons changing on menus. Walking around the restaurants and cafes reading the menus can be a enjoyable experience. Quite often you'll see the same ingredients on the menus but it's the way that the Chefs use and interpret them that make the real difference. Myself personally I like the simple approach. Simple things done right with great flavours. I mean how wrong can you go with Strawberries and cream??
Fresh strawberries(quartered and tops removed) and some Chantilly cream.
Chantilly cream:
Fresh cream
Icing sugar - to taste
Vanilla essence -to taste
Whisk until soft peaks. Don't over whisk!!
Place Strawberries in bowl/glass/serving vessel and top with Chantilly cream,Done!
And Stonefruit....Mmmmm stonefruit. Again I like it simple.
Vanilla poached stonefruit :
1 Vanilla Pod
1 cup Sugar
2 cups Water
Stonefruit: 1 Peach/1 Apricot/1 large Plum/ 1 Nectarine (halved and de-stoned) should feed 2 people.
Split and scrape vanilla pods and put seeds/pod into the water/sugar mix and heat until sugar has dissolved then add the stonefruit and poach gently until soft. Put the fruit into bowls and drizzle a little of the poaching liquid over the top of the fruit and then top with Chantilly cream. Simple and delicious.
But progress progress progress. I have freed my whites from their banishment in the deep dark recesses of the wardrobe and damn did they look worse for wear. For some reason "Stains for the memories" came to mind when I saw them. The faded black marks from the charcoal off the oven tops,a faded orange stain on a sleeve-Pumpkin and Parmersen soup,a cut in a cuff-filleting salmon when the knife slipped...missed my fingers by about 5mm,pale red dots on my collar-tomato sauce being blitzed with a large whizz stick (it gets everywhere...trust me!!)
So it was into the laundry bucket with a heap of napisan(laundry whitener) and soaked for 2days then washed and well not bad...not perfect but clean......ok so the stains didn't move,no surprise I guess. Time for some new jackets then.
On the other front I've signed up to the photography website flickr.com and joined up to several food photography groups and posted several of my food photos and seem to be getting good responses so far. Small steps...but some none the less.
And also thank you to all my friends for their support,without you this would be a lot harder!!
Next post I'm going to attempt to explain the language of the kitchen,quick warning it could contain explicit language and a weird sense of humor.
You've been warned!!
I don't know what you would call the weather we've been experiencing lately but it's not summer. Rain/cold wind/hail.....where is the sun??? Helllooo....big dude up there some sun would be nice....please?????
Ok so even without the sun summer does have it's bonuses. Peaches/Apricots/Strawberries/Plums/Blueberrys....and the list goes on!! Seasonality is hugely important in a kitchen. Any Chef worth their salt will reflect the seasons on their menu,I mean could you imagine seeing winter roast vege on a menu in the middle of summer?? It'd be like walking into a clothes store and the sales person selling you a ski jacket..."Yes even though it's 30degrees outside I'd love to wear the new seasons ski jackets and look like I'd just left the slopes even though the winter is still 6months away You Moron!".
I love watching the seasons changing on menus. Walking around the restaurants and cafes reading the menus can be a enjoyable experience. Quite often you'll see the same ingredients on the menus but it's the way that the Chefs use and interpret them that make the real difference. Myself personally I like the simple approach. Simple things done right with great flavours. I mean how wrong can you go with Strawberries and cream??
Fresh strawberries(quartered and tops removed) and some Chantilly cream.
Chantilly cream:
Fresh cream
Icing sugar - to taste
Vanilla essence -to taste
Whisk until soft peaks. Don't over whisk!!
Place Strawberries in bowl/glass/serving vessel and top with Chantilly cream,Done!
And Stonefruit....Mmmmm stonefruit. Again I like it simple.
Vanilla poached stonefruit :
1 Vanilla Pod
1 cup Sugar
2 cups Water
Stonefruit: 1 Peach/1 Apricot/1 large Plum/ 1 Nectarine (halved and de-stoned) should feed 2 people.
Split and scrape vanilla pods and put seeds/pod into the water/sugar mix and heat until sugar has dissolved then add the stonefruit and poach gently until soft. Put the fruit into bowls and drizzle a little of the poaching liquid over the top of the fruit and then top with Chantilly cream. Simple and delicious.
But progress progress progress. I have freed my whites from their banishment in the deep dark recesses of the wardrobe and damn did they look worse for wear. For some reason "Stains for the memories" came to mind when I saw them. The faded black marks from the charcoal off the oven tops,a faded orange stain on a sleeve-Pumpkin and Parmersen soup,a cut in a cuff-filleting salmon when the knife slipped...missed my fingers by about 5mm,pale red dots on my collar-tomato sauce being blitzed with a large whizz stick (it gets everywhere...trust me!!)
So it was into the laundry bucket with a heap of napisan(laundry whitener) and soaked for 2days then washed and well not bad...not perfect but clean......ok so the stains didn't move,no surprise I guess. Time for some new jackets then.
On the other front I've signed up to the photography website flickr.com and joined up to several food photography groups and posted several of my food photos and seem to be getting good responses so far. Small steps...but some none the less.
And also thank you to all my friends for their support,without you this would be a lot harder!!
Next post I'm going to attempt to explain the language of the kitchen,quick warning it could contain explicit language and a weird sense of humor.
You've been warned!!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Ok a lil intro...
Food glorious food. We all need it we all eat it. You can get it in so many different guises that some of us wouldn't even recognize it. I mean..seriously...a "Big Mac" is a hamburger??
But I digress,my name is Christian. I'm what most people would describe as a "ex-chef" but I prefer to think of myself as retired. I haven't seen the inside of a professional kitchen for over 18 months,my whites have probably got mothballs in the wardrobe BUT I can say my knifes are still sharp and see regular use. Why did I leave? That's easy. Bad Head chef and Bad management. As any chef will tell you these things can make your day 110% longer and harder.
So I left. I hung up my whites,cleaned my knifes packed then into my kit,stacked my recipe/cook books into a box and put them all into the garage thinking that I'd never touch them again. Now you have to understand a kitchen team is like a family. You support each other,you help each other,you work hard for each other and yes you fight with each other but at the end of the shift after all is said and done you sit down,have a beer and look back at the night and feel good about what you achieved,how many meals you pumped out or how you bailed yourself outta the weeds or how well the specials sold etc. But when the people that you look up to in "The Family" begin to shit on you life gets harder. The shifts seem longer and the small things you used to shrug off.....they get bigger and bigger until it all becomes too much and it pushes you to breaking point,burnt out and disillusioned.
Now the irony here is you would think that I'd get as far away as possible from anything even vaguely kitchen related right?? Wrong. I went from cooking in kitchens to building them. I became a joiner,a kitchen joiner to be exact. Just to clarify something here I didn't apply for this job I walked into it,I thought it was just going be a temporary thing but here I am still doing it today.
About now your probably asking yourself "What the hell has this got to do with anything and why is he blogging about it??" Again easy. I miss it. I miss the service rush,the "calm before the storm" feeling just before service,the hussle n flow during prep as you rush to get everything done. And the people too. So I'm going back into the kitchen or as I like to think of it "...Back into the frying pan".
Ok so its not just going to be that easy. I've been out of the industry for quite a while now and though I can still cook excellent food I don't have the speed nor the sharpness I used to have. Trust me doing a dinner party for 10 friends is nothing compared to doing a dinner service of 120 paying customers. So I have to sharpen my skills up again and prove I can still do it. How am I going to do this?? I'm going to work for free!
Sounds crazy huh?? But let me elaborate a little. There is about 0.000001% chance that if I apply for a job in a good restaurant that I'll actually get the job,too long out of the kitchen is the first thing they'll say. So the plan goes like this- I have a day job,a easy day job with weekends off....and free nights. So what shall I do with those weekends and free nights?? I plan to go around restaurants and give what most Head Chefs don't believe exists....A free worker with skills. I'm going to become a bit of a kitchen whore giving myself to who ever will take me for a couple of nights.
Hmmm reading that makes it sound a lot easier than I actually think it's going to be, there are a few things I've got to do first. Get some fresh whites,a new cooks knife and knife roll (along with a few other items) and then work up the balls to do it. A professional kitchen is a scary place,mistakes are usual accompanied with a bollocking or your own blood and the public has become even more demanding of their chefs expecting more for their money and higher standards of food for their tastebuds. All of which I will be opening myself up to again and which I suspect will smash my current sheltered ego into 1000 pieces very quickly. So its a daunting challenge that lies ahead of me.
But there is a ulterior motive for my return to the kitchen and it's purely selfish. I love food porn,you know those photo's of food that just make your mouth water,your tongue twitch as your tastebuds get aroused. The kind of photo that with out even knowing the recipe just makes you want to cook it. Food photo's play a huge part in what we eat I mean how many times have you heard the saying "we eat with our eyes first". And we do....we 100% do. I mean just look at the fast food giants!!! If their food looked as good in real life as it did on the adverts we'd all being eating it,Hell they'd probably put 80% of the worlds restaurants out of business. As it stands I'm pretty sure most of us are guilty of giving into those adverts and buying it only to be bitterly disappointed and reminded of how good those marketing campaigns are.
So my other motivation for returning to the kitchen is to be in a place where everyday there is something just begging to be photographed and shown to the world in all its glory,from the freshest of fresh greens,plumpest red succulent strawberries to a perfectly cooked steak I intend to capture as much of it as I can and show it too the world for all to enjoy. So not only do I have to sharpen my chef skills I also need to learn to use my camera as fast and as accurate as my knife.
Now I can't very well talk about food photos with out posting any so here are a few of my own photos of my food and though the photo's may not be perfect in time I will get better and so will the photos.
So this is what I'll be writing about. The trials and challenges of returning to a professional kitchen and what I have to do to get there and learning how to take food photos good enough that it'll make you want to eat the photo itself......wish me luck!
But I digress,my name is Christian. I'm what most people would describe as a "ex-chef" but I prefer to think of myself as retired. I haven't seen the inside of a professional kitchen for over 18 months,my whites have probably got mothballs in the wardrobe BUT I can say my knifes are still sharp and see regular use. Why did I leave? That's easy. Bad Head chef and Bad management. As any chef will tell you these things can make your day 110% longer and harder.
So I left. I hung up my whites,cleaned my knifes packed then into my kit,stacked my recipe/cook books into a box and put them all into the garage thinking that I'd never touch them again. Now you have to understand a kitchen team is like a family. You support each other,you help each other,you work hard for each other and yes you fight with each other but at the end of the shift after all is said and done you sit down,have a beer and look back at the night and feel good about what you achieved,how many meals you pumped out or how you bailed yourself outta the weeds or how well the specials sold etc. But when the people that you look up to in "The Family" begin to shit on you life gets harder. The shifts seem longer and the small things you used to shrug off.....they get bigger and bigger until it all becomes too much and it pushes you to breaking point,burnt out and disillusioned.
Now the irony here is you would think that I'd get as far away as possible from anything even vaguely kitchen related right?? Wrong. I went from cooking in kitchens to building them. I became a joiner,a kitchen joiner to be exact. Just to clarify something here I didn't apply for this job I walked into it,I thought it was just going be a temporary thing but here I am still doing it today.
About now your probably asking yourself "What the hell has this got to do with anything and why is he blogging about it??" Again easy. I miss it. I miss the service rush,the "calm before the storm" feeling just before service,the hussle n flow during prep as you rush to get everything done. And the people too. So I'm going back into the kitchen or as I like to think of it "...Back into the frying pan".
Ok so its not just going to be that easy. I've been out of the industry for quite a while now and though I can still cook excellent food I don't have the speed nor the sharpness I used to have. Trust me doing a dinner party for 10 friends is nothing compared to doing a dinner service of 120 paying customers. So I have to sharpen my skills up again and prove I can still do it. How am I going to do this?? I'm going to work for free!
Sounds crazy huh?? But let me elaborate a little. There is about 0.000001% chance that if I apply for a job in a good restaurant that I'll actually get the job,too long out of the kitchen is the first thing they'll say. So the plan goes like this- I have a day job,a easy day job with weekends off....and free nights. So what shall I do with those weekends and free nights?? I plan to go around restaurants and give what most Head Chefs don't believe exists....A free worker with skills. I'm going to become a bit of a kitchen whore giving myself to who ever will take me for a couple of nights.
Hmmm reading that makes it sound a lot easier than I actually think it's going to be, there are a few things I've got to do first. Get some fresh whites,a new cooks knife and knife roll (along with a few other items) and then work up the balls to do it. A professional kitchen is a scary place,mistakes are usual accompanied with a bollocking or your own blood and the public has become even more demanding of their chefs expecting more for their money and higher standards of food for their tastebuds. All of which I will be opening myself up to again and which I suspect will smash my current sheltered ego into 1000 pieces very quickly. So its a daunting challenge that lies ahead of me.
But there is a ulterior motive for my return to the kitchen and it's purely selfish. I love food porn,you know those photo's of food that just make your mouth water,your tongue twitch as your tastebuds get aroused. The kind of photo that with out even knowing the recipe just makes you want to cook it. Food photo's play a huge part in what we eat I mean how many times have you heard the saying "we eat with our eyes first". And we do....we 100% do. I mean just look at the fast food giants!!! If their food looked as good in real life as it did on the adverts we'd all being eating it,Hell they'd probably put 80% of the worlds restaurants out of business. As it stands I'm pretty sure most of us are guilty of giving into those adverts and buying it only to be bitterly disappointed and reminded of how good those marketing campaigns are.
So my other motivation for returning to the kitchen is to be in a place where everyday there is something just begging to be photographed and shown to the world in all its glory,from the freshest of fresh greens,plumpest red succulent strawberries to a perfectly cooked steak I intend to capture as much of it as I can and show it too the world for all to enjoy. So not only do I have to sharpen my chef skills I also need to learn to use my camera as fast and as accurate as my knife.
Now I can't very well talk about food photos with out posting any so here are a few of my own photos of my food and though the photo's may not be perfect in time I will get better and so will the photos.
So this is what I'll be writing about. The trials and challenges of returning to a professional kitchen and what I have to do to get there and learning how to take food photos good enough that it'll make you want to eat the photo itself......wish me luck!
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